Happy Birthday, Brad Pitt! And My Humble Apologies For Your Underperforming Penis

What blogger doesn’t check their stats?  It just happens.  Before I’m even aware I’m doing it, I’m on my stats page seeing if the number of views for the day has risen from the jeering 0 that was there when I last checked .  When there has been evidence of any increase in activity, I can’t help but sneak a peek at what has successfully brought people to the blog.  Referrals?  Tags?  Gravitars?

Are you ready for the big reveal as to what generates the most activity?

Searches on the word “penis”.

I disclose this with no judgment.

After all, “What Should We Make of Brad Pitt’s Penis” was the sixth or seventh post ever on the blog.  Who doesn’t appreciate a good penis?  Apparently many of you think Brad Pitt’s is worth a boo because as a matter of fact, it’s often the search term “brad pitt penis”, or a variation thereof, that directs the hits.


As enlightening as this is, it is also concerning.  Not in the way you might think I’m thinking, or in the way you might yourself be thinking.  You’re not currently thinking with your penis are you?  There’s far too much thinking going on here.  Let’s move on.

It’s concerning to me as a blogger because I feel like I may have missed my shot at the elusive “freshly pressed” boat with a novice blogger penis post.  There.  I’ve said it.  I think I might have fucked up.

Why, oh why didn’t I think to provide an actual picture of a penis rather than a rendering of a non-existent, purely fantastical building?  I could have picked any old penis off the Internet and said it was Brad’s.  Maybe then the post would have gotten 700 likes instead of 7.  Maybe fellow bloggers would have directed more traffic to the big Pitt penis and that would have drawn “fresh” attention.  Maybe then something wonderful would have happened.

I also feel badly that I may have let the masses down.  Not you per say, but you know, those others that visited for a quickie, a voyeuristic jaunt to the blog with some Brad Pitt penis.  Instead they were assaulted with the musings of a 40ish year old woman who dreams of equalization in architectural erotica, and essentially whines about the sexual objectification of women vs. the acceptance of loose-pant-fitted men.

If only I knew that “penis” would generate so much traffic.  I would have written the post to rival all posts.  In addition to Brad, I would have had shots of penises in all shapes and sizes, tattooed, pierced, limp, erect, decorated with festive garb.  I would have served up penis facts, interesting cultural penis customs, the How To’s of penis hygiene.  I would have done my research.  I would have given you so much more.

Yes, I would have even dressed as one

For this penis let down, I sincerely apologize.  I will not be editing my original post.  I feel strongly that I need to let it stand as a lesson to myself as I gain more blogging (and evidently more worldly) experience.

However, in an effort to move on from my critical error, in an effort to continue to draw readers to the blog, in an effort to keep the stats (falsely) inflated, there’s really only one thing left to say…

brad pitt balls


5 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Brad Pitt! And My Humble Apologies For Your Underperforming Penis

  1. Pingback: Talking about hot dudes — awkwardly | Drinking Tips for Teens

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