I’d like to dedicate this to a certain portion of the population out there, but the catch is, they don’t even know who they are.

The Circumstance: 

Any given day going to work.  I’m tired. I’ve rustled up the kids, walked the dog, packed a breakfast and lunch for myself, dressed, run a brush through my hair, cleaned my teeth and bolted out the door leaving the kids to fend for themselves until they leave for school.  I’m rushing to work because the earlier I get there, the earlier I can leave.

The Commute:

Two lanes of traffic.  Parking and stopping is prohibited from 7 – 9am to account for the large volume of traffic heading Westbound into the city from my neighbourhood.  Streetcar tracks run along one of the traffic lanes.

The Rage:

Total assholes who decide that stopping in the curb lane to grab a coffee is a-ok during a busy morning commute.  The entitled group feel it’s fine to ignore the perfectly reasonable no parking/stopping from 7 – 9am rules.  They decide that they need not bother pulling off the main road and onto one of the many side streets to inconvenience themselves, when they can inconvenience a whole section of the city.  What does a 2 minute stop on the side of the road matter?

The Result:

A two minute stop on the side of the road means this:

  1. Because I never learn and tend to stupidly put too much faith in humanity, I’m not expecting you to stop right in front of me between 7-9am when, once again and clearly signed, there’s no stopping during commute time.  If there’s no one in front of you and no red light coming, I’m going to assume that you’re going to drive on at a steady pace.  When this is not the case, I have to slam on my brakes, knock my commuter coffee thermos against my steering wheel, slosh coffee onto my dash and/or lap and produce my first swear word of the day.
  2. I’m now stuck behind you and close enough to your bumper that it’s going to be difficult for me to get around you.  Not to mention all the other commuters who have stopped behind me and are boxing me in.  Now I must wait impatiently until any number of cars are able to pull around the two of us leaving room behind me to maneuver out of the position you have put me in.  I’ve had to put my coffee down and I have chased my first swear word of the day with too many more to count.
  3. I finally get the opportunity to pull around you and I glare at your profile in the coffee shop.  I lay on the horn but you don’t react.  That’s because you are a numbnut.  You are inherently indifferent to this feedback.  I will never have closure and this offense will sit with me indefinitely.
  4. If I’m on the streetcar, it means a major delay as cars, always anxious to get past streetcars anyway, pull death defying moves to get themselves around you and in front of a 1000 ton vehicle on tracks.  Suddenly, the streetcar is sitting idle and passengers are craning their necks to see what serious event might be rendering us immobile.  It becomes evident that it’s nothing more than a numbnut two blocks ahead with their hazards on in the curb lane.  Passengers both mouth and mumble an assortment of swearwords.  Some, like me, reposition themselves in their seats and sigh audibly.  The streetcar is now filled with negative vibes.
  5. I spend the rest of my commute obsessing over what makes people like you tick.  What kind of personality do people like you have?
  6. Mentally preparing to face the office is hard enough.  Now you’ve put me in a mood.
  7. Your 2 minutes multiplies exponentially among commuters behind you.  I arrive at work at least 10 minutes later than my frantic departure from home should have put me there.  I arrive 10 times more agitated than necessary.  I am 10 times angrier toward my fellow human beings as a result of witnessing the level of stupidity and entitlement people like you demonstrate.  I have cursed 10 times more frequently than on a normal morning.  I am 100% pissed off that you have gotten away with this major infraction and will likely be a repeat offender.
  8. I will have to stay at least 10 minutes later at work which means my commute home will see me in the thick of Eastbound traffic where there is no parking or stopping from 4 – 6pm to allow for the volume of traffic at that time.

My nightmare will be relived.  You will remain oblivious.  A true numbnut.  I will continue to mentally suffer and seriously consider canning my commute and opening a local coffee shop.  I think I have the perfect name for it…


4 thoughts on “Numbnuts

  1. Ha! and TRUE. Numbnut.

    If this happens regularly to you, I reckon you should carry the phone no. of a tow truck. They make their money towing cars away that shouldn’t be parked. Seriously, this will have them realise. And the tow truck guy will be thrilled at the tip-off. If you do it often enough, you might end up on the take…

  2. I really don’t understand people sometimes. I would be so pissed if that happened to me.

    We have lots of idiot drivers in southern California who have no sense of decency or idea of what death is when they start veering into our lanes or just slam on their brakes randomly to rubberneck a previous accident that already happened. Sigh.

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