Friday Fictioneers – February 22/13

Friday Fictioneers is sponsored by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  The idea is to write a 100 word story with a beginning, middle and end based on the photo prompt.

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The Replacement

(100 words)

Drives to the country were tolerable when she wasn’t the one stuck sitting behind her younger brother riding like a king up front.  Her legs would grow cramped behind his seat, the one he insisted on sliding as far back as it would go.  Complaints to her mother fell on deaf ears.  Tim was the man of the house now.  Tim needed the legroom.  Tim was the navigator and mother relied on him.  She’d hardly been sorry to see father and his temper go, but it would have been so much better if he had taken stupid Tim with him.

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31 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – February 22/13

  1. This sounds so realistic and reminds me of how my brother and I used to fight about who got to sit on the “little seat” in my parents’ station wagon, the seat the pulled forward to give access to the back. When we had children, we finally bought a van with captains’ seats so our girls “wouldn’t touch each other.”

    janet

  2. Dear Denmother,
    Sibling rivalry at its finest. I have an older brother and we always got along…NOT.
    One suggestion if you’re open to a bit of constructive crit…”Her legs would grow cramped…” how about “Her legs cramped”?
    In any case, entertaining story with a strong ending.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    • Thanks, Rochelle. I tried that phrasing a few different ways with different words. I liked the idea of slow suffering as the pain set in while her legs cramped, I think that’s why I put “would grow” in there. However, I always appreciate constructive criticism so please comment away anytime. Thank you!
      Denmother

    • Not to worry, Shirley. Lots of experience with cramped legs and childhood squabbling, but we kids all still like each other 🙂 Don’t know if Tim is hated so much in the story as he is the default target of some unresolved anger in the girl at the father.
      Denmother

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