Yes, it’s not unheard of for cougars to direct money toward a boob job, but to be clear, this is not a post debating whether to put money toward either a family vacation or bust enhancement. I still have a fine pair. At least that’s what my good Italian friend, Chianti, keeps insisting. This is a post about having the guts to move forward with a special summer vacation.
April means the start of summer holiday planning in my house. My unfortunate work life looks like this: Get up, get dressed, transit to work, work, deal with the world’s lamest boss (My Boss And Her Dog Phuck), earn some money, transit home, pay bills, buy food. This earns me 4 weeks of freedom from the drudgery that is slowly sucking all the good years out of me that I have left. That’s a hot topic for another post.
This year, I was thinking it would be great to take the girls (meaning my kids, not my boobs, though they would be coming too) to Florida for a week or so for a few reasons.
1. My brother has a wonderful vacation house in a nature reserve on the Gulf side, and the summer is scallop season
2. His house is about 3 hours away from Disney World
3. From Toronto it is possible to drive to Florida, and
4. I figured I could do the whole, awesome vacation with driving and free accommodation for something like $300.00. What’s not great about that?
Sadly, as with anything I try to adapt from my wonderful fantasy world into my cold, hard reality world, “issues” began to crop up.
First and foremost is the issue of actually getting across the border. My delightful ex-husband and his less delightful girlfriend (Okay, Who Invited the Trailer Trash?) enjoy making life difficult. This means last fall when I wanted to take my youngest to play in a lacrosse tournament in New York State for two days, her father would not sign a permission to travel letter. That would have been too human. So, I had to spend gobs of time and energy to get that permission from the court. Based on initial inquiries, looks like that’s where we’re headed this time, too.
Driving seemed like a great concept initially, until it struck me that I have a 2001 car with a rusting body and hole in the coolant hose. Not the best place for a hole in balmy summer weather. Is it worth a mention that there are already almost 200,000 km on the car (Pair Of Dice By The Dashboard Light)? Add in the fact that it’s a 22 hour drive to my brother’s and approximately 2000 km one way. By my very rough calculations, gas is going to cost about $500. Throw in the cost of the coolant hose repair at $410 and we’re looking at approximately $1000 to drive. This doesn’t include meals on the road, an overnight stay at a hotel and any breakdown or speeding tickets. It does include 4 whole days of driving just to get to and from a vacation. That kinda blows.
So, I started to research flights. The cheapest I’ve found so far is about $350 return per person, IF I drive 2.5 hours to the Buffalo airport and pay $70 for parking while we’re away. That gets us to Atlanta, from which I’d have to pay for an additional commuter flight into Tallahassee (haven’t had the heart to research), where I would then have to rent a car for the 5-7 days we’re in Florida.
Let’s not forget the cost of a night in Orlando because there’s no way I’m driving three hours to Disney, spending the day and then driving three hours back. The cost of getting into the amusement park these days? $95.00/day and that doesn’t include the water park. Out another $300 dollars (the original fantasy budget for this trip) plus whatever the hotel, gas and food would cost.
There is a silver lining of course, and that is that we can stay at my brother’s for free once we get there. Just have to factor in the cost of groceries and budget for at least a couple of meals out and a bit of clothes shopping. That should come in under $500 I’m thinking?
Impossibly, my $300.00 trip is now a $3000.00 trip.
Hmm. Anyone know what fake boobs are running these days?